Wellcome beautiful! I am Marusya. I am creatrix of the Tantrik Rebellion movement. This is my story of the magical birth of Tantrik Rebellion.
I was born in Russia and raised to be a classical piano prodigy by my parents who were dedicated (unconsciously) to mold me into a persona of their vision. I was very much under their wings until we moved to America and I entered my teenage years and began detaching from their influence. I was attracted to the polar opposite of what my parents always wanted me to be. I wanted to be around gangsters, trap music, drugs... and most importantly I wanted to find myself. This self exploration led me to a series of traumatic experiences... because I had no idea who I was, how to stand up for myself, what my boundaries were, how to say no, and in general I just did not understand how to navigate this world. The main point of trauma for me was sexual shame. As I desperately wanted to find myself, I wanted to fit in and be liked by "cool street dudes" who very quickly took advantage of me while I had no concept of saying "no" and was too naive to comprehend how society views girls who freely give into sexual experiences. In no time I became the "hoe" of the high school, the town, the county.... Somehow I became the point of hatred for most girls around me and a target of domination for the boys around me. I was absolutely unaware of how to navigate such environment considering that while that was happening my family was on the verge of disowning me, so I had zero support. At first, my fire was very strong, I kept my confidence and allowed the hatred and the judgement to fuel me. However, after consistent social outcasting that I experienced I began to develop severe anxiety. When I would get into a relationship during my high school years the person that I was with would constantly remind me of the slutty reputation that I had and would use that to shame me on a regular basis. Throughout my teenage years I would fluctuate from feeling insecure and uncomfortable about being judged and shamed to a complete detachment and confidence, knowing that I was the subject of conversation in all of these peoples' mouths.
By the time I turned 18 and was graduating I was so fed up with being hated, talked about, used, laughed at, that I completely shifted my expression and I decided to fully embrace the "hoe" and embark on the journey of bad bitch and dark mother. I was devoted to revenge. This revenge consisted of seducing men, having them fall in love and then cutting them off. At this point I detached from having any kinds of feelings. I also wanted revenge on all of the hate and outcast that was caused by the women around me so I had no care to seduce somebody's boyfriend or husband. Very soon, I dove into sex work. This was the perfect career for someone with the reputation and the portfolio like mine. I became a stripper and a sex worker. Again, I still had very little boundaries so I was the perfect target for the entitled narcissist. From the age of 18 to 20 I was "trapped" in a downward spiral of self destruction. I was in a relationship with a psychotic, wanna be "pimp" while I worked in stripclubs. I was absolutely numb. I don't even know where my soul was. Clearly this was a karmic relationship, from past lives with all kinds of cords and attachments. It was a trap. I was drowning. There were seldom glimpses of light.... that somehow I grabbed on to and pulled myself out. It was a painful experience. It felt like my higher self was pulling my wounded, weak human out of the depths of hell. When I got out of that trap I was extremely weak and depressed. I knew that I could never go back to that person, nor that consciousness. However, it was still hard to cut all the cords that had me connected to him. He was working hard to put me down. There were many threats that came from him following my escape. I was contemplating the point of existence. During this very difficult time, I could not see the point of this life... simultaneously I was calling out to get a glimpse of magic being real. I NEEDED to see the proof that there is more to life than just this cycle of loops and programs that I was seeing around me. I was beyond committing to any religion because I just could not resonate with any of it. I needed to see and feel that magic is real. Within weeks, a person that I was growing close with, who turned out to be my Twin Flame, told me about his supernatural experiences... this day was the turning point for me, it was the doorway into my awakening.
Ever since I got that proof that magic is real, I embarked on the journey within myself, and there was no longer any other greater meaning to life for me, than the unraveling of my self awareness.
As most people who first wake up to their soul I was picked up and carried by the waves of collective consciousness into the new age community. I dove into shadow work, witchcraft, priestess arts, plant medicine, rituals, moon magik and began learning from other spiritually awakened souls. Even though I explored the new age community, I did not stay there for too long because of my innate inclination to keep asking questions, not fit in with the mainstream and swim deeper. I continued following my intuition and as I was exploring I found out that a lot of new age teachings are actually hijacked by the fallen entities and do not reflect the law of eternal life. It made sense to me, that new age is a finely decorated trap for newly awakened souls. It is false light. Yes, there are many truths in it which makes is appealing to humans. However, it has been infiltrated with distortions. I knew that I am meant to access the truth, in its pure form, without any decorations nor distortions of it. I realized that the first couple years of my spiritual awakening was a rehabilitation time for me to rest and prepare for my actual mission on Earth. While I was in this rehabilitation zone everything felt blurry. It was higher frequency but it was blurry and unstable. Now that I reflect on it, when I began awakening I disassociated from 3D. Yes I was still in 3D but I began disassociating from it as a consequence of all the trauma that I experienced prior to my awakening. Naturally, after drowning in numbing darkness for so long and then, for the first time seeing a light in the end of the tunnel, it is understandable to just run towards that light without looking back. This is what happened. As soon as I began sensing higher frequencies I grabbed on to them and for 3 years my feet were not touching the ground. I was chilling in the disassociating clouds of new age spirituality completely avoiding the ground below. Eventually, I felt stuck floating around in the clouds. It felt like I was going in circles and that I was missing something. This is when I fully committed to serving my soul purpose under the law of Eternal Life. Only after I made this commitment I began receiving practical guidance. I was shown that I had no foundation and that I actually had to bring myself back on Earth to face everything that I left behind and to build my foundation.
The more I was facing the reality the more I could see how I wouldn't have gotten anywhere if I kept floating up in the clouds of disassociation. I saw how I have been avoiding the reality of this 3D realm on Earth, I was running away from this world. It was not a soft landing, I crushed back on the Earth which required some adjustment. After my rehabilitation time up in the clouds of higher frequencies it was a saddening experience to be back in 3D. First, I wanted to run away again. I was nearly depressed being aware of all of the filth that the finite beings have been creating on this planet for centuries. I had to re-awaken myself to my purpose. As I was sitting in despair of my awareness of what they are doing to deteriorate humanity I finally asked myself the question: "What am I creating here? What am I doing on this planet?" Fuck what they are up to. I need to focus on my genesis and my mission. This was a turning point for me as I was being prepared to build my foundation. Now that I stopped disassociating, I was ready for full on mentorship with my Higher Self.
When I began consciously working with my Higher Self to build my foundation I knew that this meant coming fully into my body. I was not even aware that I have not grounded in my body yet. This whole time as I was in the beginning phases of my incension, I really thought I was grounding in. But in reality, I was very much avoiding myself. Now that I was really focused on returning into my body I saw myself entering my subconscious. I saw myself enter the dark foggy forest of my subconscious in search of myself. The forest that I was afraid to enter up until this point. From here on things get really mystical and interesting. I began seeing the connection between my dreamworld and the 3D world. The dreams represent our 3D reality in symbolism. In 3D I am consciously figuring out how to build my spiritual foundation. In my dreamworld I am running through the dark foggy woods in search of myself. It is the same thing and is happening simultaneously, just different representation. My Higher Self began guiding me in building my foundation by showing me that I need to awaken my masculine. I realized that I have pretty much put my masculine to sleep after being traumatized by this world. So, I started calling in my masculine, saying that I trust him to protect me and to provide for me. As I am calling my masculine in, in 3D; what is happening in my dream world a.k.a. my subconscious is that I am running in these woods towards the calls of my own voice in 3D. So my own voice is guiding me to find myself. Realizing this was very trippy and exciting for me. My main focus was to bring my masculine in so I kept asking, "How do I wake him up?" I am tired of being unstructured, undisciplined mess. I need my masculine to wake tf up. I received guidance that changed my whole life. THIS: My masculine is my consciousness. I am my masculine. My masculine is literally me, it is what I create here every moment, it is my structure and my architecture. I am my architecture. All of a sudden my eyes turned within. All of a sudden I am not looking on the outside for some external masculine. This realization was one of the most self-empowering realizations I have ever had. This was the beginning of my consciousness entering my body. In my dreamworld, this was represented by me, in the woods, finally finding the home. Home is a representation of the body. So my masculine, my consciousness, found my home in the woods. The path to this home is covered in branches and the home looks almost abandoned, but this is why I am here. I am going to transform this home and rebuild a luxurious architecture.
Now that I am here, facing the entrance into my body, to meet with my beloved soul I innerstand my mission better than ever.
This process of inscension is sacred rebellion itself. It is the mastery of dark arts of this realm. It takes true devotion to your soul to embark on this journey of embodiment. To the finite I am a rebel. I am rebel in the name of eternal love, sovereignty and freedom. Throughout the beginning phases of my journey I observed a variety of different paths that many others have taken. There is New Age, there is returning to religion, there is Crystic teachings.... and Yet I do not "fit" into any of them. Whenever I would identify with a certain consciousness I would come back after some time to my own center knowing that there is nothing on the outside that I can fit into and identify with. Time and time again I came to the realization that I am here to realize, to actualize my own inner frequency and build my own movement.. my own Empire. My Tantrik Rebellion.